It's been a long road. How many of us feel that way? The reality is life is a long road, period. It has beautiful views, boring landscapes, hills, valley's, pain, and joy. This is something I have learned along the road as I have struggled with my body. For so long all I could think of was "when I get thin" this and that will be, but the reality is there is no end point, it is just about learning how to function in a healthy way and changing the things that got you there in the first place.
I was very little when the concept of fat or overweight was introduced into my life. The very first day of Kindergarten a little boy turned to me and said "boy your a big girl aren't you" and yes I was. I weighed 105 lbs. in first grade and was put on my first diet. I learned there was good food and bad food and associated being good or bad myself with whatever I put in my mouth. I was teased mercilessly all through school until high school. In high school I did unhealthy things to lose weight and did, but never dealt with all the self hatred and my screwed up relationship with food, so ultimately I gained it back. In my 20's I just gained and gained and gained. Food has been my comfort, my best friend, my worst enemy, and the bane of my existence.
I joined Weight Watchers in 2006 because I realized I had wasted an entire decade of my life being fat. I didn't have the memories of most 20 year olds because I was so ashamed of who I was that I never allowed myself to live.
Weight Watchers woke me up, it forced me to be mindful of what I was eating and how I was treating my body, I was actually 'living' for the first time in a long time. I have lost weight and given birth to two beautiful boys along the way. I have lost 128lbs. and have reached my goal weight.
I was very little when the concept of fat or overweight was introduced into my life. The very first day of Kindergarten a little boy turned to me and said "boy your a big girl aren't you" and yes I was. I weighed 105 lbs. in first grade and was put on my first diet. I learned there was good food and bad food and associated being good or bad myself with whatever I put in my mouth. I was teased mercilessly all through school until high school. In high school I did unhealthy things to lose weight and did, but never dealt with all the self hatred and my screwed up relationship with food, so ultimately I gained it back. In my 20's I just gained and gained and gained. Food has been my comfort, my best friend, my worst enemy, and the bane of my existence.
I joined Weight Watchers in 2006 because I realized I had wasted an entire decade of my life being fat. I didn't have the memories of most 20 year olds because I was so ashamed of who I was that I never allowed myself to live.
Weight Watchers woke me up, it forced me to be mindful of what I was eating and how I was treating my body, I was actually 'living' for the first time in a long time. I have lost weight and given birth to two beautiful boys along the way. I have lost 128lbs. and have reached my goal weight.
As I said before, this is a long road and reaching my goal is just a moment to pause and celebrate, but by no means time to stop. Weight Watchers helped me get my eating under control and encouraged me to get off my ass and start getting serious about every aspect of my life. I have always wanted to run because for me it was the ultimate example of health. I started to run seriously about 8 months ago and currently run 25-30 miles a week. I am training for my first 10k and dream of someday doing a marathon.
To me the weight was just years and years of crap that I have never dealt with. The feelings of self hatred, of never being good enough, worthlessness, and fear. This has been the toughest hill to climb on this journey. I have learned that I have to be honest with myself in EVERY SINGLE AREA of my life or I will not be able to truly live the life I want.
